The Day the World Stood Still, continued
by TrashFoot
Summary: This story has everything: broken windows, balloons filled with paint, fireworks inside of a car. And is that Johnny Knoxville? No, that's Don Vito getting antiqued. (Story rated M just in case. Un-beta'd, so all mistakes are my own.)
1. The Day the World Stood Still, continued

**A/N: This is my own continuation of a story written by another author. The author hasn't logged on to this site since sometime around 2009, so I knew messaging them asking permission wasn't necessarily going to go anywhere. Part of me couldn't stand that this wonderful story was left unfinished, so I tried a shot at continuing it. I tried my best to keep the POV that the original author had, but slip–ups are possible throughout. Also, the chapters are kind of shortish, 'cause I wrote this entire thing on my iPad, and as you may expect, the differences in how long the chapters are on an iPad versus a computer are different.**

**For future reference, the house Bam lives in in this story is the one he lives in in Viva La Bam (AKA Castle Bam), but it's set a little bit before the Jackass show came into the world. Don't ask me why, that's just how I'm imagining it, dude. Just go with it.**

**Also, I imagine Bam and Ryan looking like they did around 2001 or so.**

**The first chapter/original story, which I very highly recommend you read before reading this story, is called _The Day The World Stood Still _by Evilenia Renee.**

**I don't own Jackass, Viva La Bam, or anybody involved with either show in any way, shape, or form. All of this is un–beta'd, so the mistakes you see here are my own.**

**_**I want__ to put out there that if the original author ever comes around and sees this, I'd love for you to please message me at your earliest convenience so that you can give me either a thumbs up or down on whether or not you would like this continuation of your story to stay. There is a link to my tumblr on my profile as well, just in case.**_**

**I know that's a lot of stuff. Sorry about that.**

**Alright everyone, enjoy!**

* * *

Ryan got to work at his usual time, and managed not to get yelled at by Tony, by somehow, almost magically, slipping past him on his way in. Ryan was standing in front of his locker, which was amongst the rest of them stuffed into the corner of the garage, and had _just_ started putting on his grey overalls when Tony swaggered on in.

"I'm glad to see you're not late for once, Dunn." Tony had that tone in his voice; the one that tells Ryan _I'm gonna be busting your balls for a while, just for my own personal entertainment._ Ryan tried to put on the happiest face anybody getting a load of crap from their boss at 8:07 in the morning would be able to. The only real reason Ryan could even give his boss the small smile that he did was that Bam had popped up into his thoughts.

"Well, I've got a lot of work to do, sir."

"Damn right you do. You know, you should be happy to be working-"

"Um, sir– before I forget, last night before closing, someone came in, and-" When Tony cut Ryan off, Ryan had angled his face away from him, focusing on the puddle of whatever liquid _that_ is on the floor near the wall, half because of Tony raising his voice, half because the smell of alcohol on Tony's breath was really starting to get at Ryan. 'Really?' Ryan thought, 'He's been drinking? It's _barely_ 8 AM–' Ryan quickly shooed that thought away when he realized that he'd probably be drinking at around this time too, that is, if Tony ever gave him a fucking day off.

"Dunn, you better've told them that we don't accept cars after four-"

"Do you _see_ any new cars in here?" Ryan asked with a little bit too much anger and sarcasm in his voice, as he motioned his hand to the rest of the garage. Tony quickly turned his head, gave a glance to the garage, and looked back at Ryan with the angriest look he could muster.

"Listen, Dunn– you don't _fucking_ use that tone of voice with me! I'm _your_ boss and-"

"Tony!" Ryan yelled, trying to bring Tony down from the hissy fit that his was going into, "Tony, all I'm trying to _say_ is that they said they're going to be coming in today, and-"

"Good, that's just great, Dunn. Super _fucking_ fantastic. Just get the hell to work before you piss me off even more."

As Ryan turned back towards his locker with the scowl that was now on his face to finish putting on his overalls, he noticed some of his co-workers walking towards him. One of them, Charlie, practically slapped his hand onto Ryan's shoulder.

"Shit, man," Charlie said with a chuckle as he slipped his hand off of Ryan's shoulder to open up his own locker, "I haven't seen anyone talk to Tony like that since that dirty asshole, Chris." One of the other guys let out a laugh.

"Oh my God, yeah. I remember that dude. Tony really must like you, Dunn." Phil said.

"Why would he?" John butted in. "It's not like he doesn't do anything we don't do." Ryan didn't respond to any of them. He barely even looked at Phil when he gave him a small, angry smile when he complimented him. Ryan just zipped up his overalls, grabbed the first tools he saw, and got to work.


	2. curiosity killed the cat

Bam didn't come in until around 1:30 that afternoon. Ryan thanked God that the rest of the guys were still on their regular nearly two hour lunch breaks.

"Sorry I didn't come in earlier, man." Bam apologized. "I kinda slept in this morning– that doesn't normally happen in my house." His sexy, messy-ish hair, the dark shadows under his eyes, and the evidence of drool still left on one of the corners of his mouth said that for him. Even in this state, it took all of Ryan's brain power to focus on what to say next.

"I know how that is." Ryan gave out a small laugh. "I don't get to sleep much either."

"Are you like, the only guy that works here or something? Is that why?" Ryan laughed again and shook his head.

"Nope. Everyone else is just on break. Plus, none of them are exactly good at their jobs." A moment of awkward silence wedged it's self between them. "Um, we should probably get to filling out some of the– uh– the forms." Ryan felt some heat crawling up his cheeks.

"Oh, yeah, okay." Ryan led Bam through the garage and into the small office– if you can call it that– that was meant for business like this. There was a single desk and a filing cabinet that you'd normally find in any old office, and off–white walls lined with dents and scuff marks and a tile floor that looked nearly the same. A short, almost narrow hallway lead to Tony's office, but practically nobody except Tony and the guy about to get fired went back there.

Ryan moved some useless papers and folders off the desk and placed them on top of the filing cabinet. After shuffling through the cabinet a little he pulled out three pieces of paper that Bam needed to sign, all paper-clipped together, with the note that Bam had left the afternoon before with his name and number on it. As Bam was signing, Ryan decided that it was now or never to ask a question that was bugging him.

"So... Is 'Bam' short for anything?"

"Oh, what?" Bam asked after a second, looking up from the papers.

"I–I was just wondering if uh, if 'Bam' was short for anything." Ryan trailed off. Bam smiled up at Ryan.

"Well, actually my name's Brandon, but my grandpa started calling me Bam when I was little 'cause I kept running into walls and stuff, and it just sorta stuck." After another moment of silence and some more scribbling on Bam's part, Bam looked up at Ryan with a sense of completeness. "Alright, here you go, um– uh-"

"Oh, uh, Ryan– my name's Ryan." Ryan mentally scorned himself for how he introduced himself, and that he didn't do it earlier. Bam stuck out his hand, smiling as he did so, and Ryan shook it.

"I guess it's nice to finally, uh, know your name." All Ryan could do was smile back at Bam. Bam then took the note from the previous day with his number on it, and placed it in Ryan's hand.

"Here, keep this with you– call me later– I mean, about the car–" Ryan could hear the hesitation in Bam's voice.

"Alright. Don't worry– I'll call you personally when it's done." Ryan's smile got bigger– became more genuine– just at the thought of calling him. Bam smiled as well hearing the news. As soon as Bam left, Ryan got right to work on his Hummer. A smile didn't leave his face for the rest of the day.


	3. but satisfaction brought it back

It took Ryan nearly a month to make the repairs on the car. Bam and his car was all Ryan focused on at work. It was the only car that he worked on for a while, until Tony started yelling at him to "work on one of the other cars for once."

Ryan placed the note on the desk in front of him, not wanting his greasy hands to mess up the writing, and just stared at it. The butterflies in his stomach were making him nauseous. 'Alright,' Ryan thought as he reached for the phone, his hand stopping just mere inches away. He began breathing heavily, while his hovering hand began shaking. 'C'mon, just do it– just man up and get it over with– come on...' He grabbed the phone, punched in the numbers, and began praying to God that he wouldn't do something stupid like hang up the phone as soon as Bam picked up, or have his voice crack like a 13–year–old asking his crush to the dance. Suddenly, Bam was talking.

"Hello?" Ryan swallowed hard upon hearing Bam's voice, and just like that his mouth was dry.

"Hi, it's uh– It's Ryan, from TJ's Auto Repair–"

"Hey, Ryan!" He sounded surprised, like an old friend had just called him out of the blue. He could hear a lot of loud noises in the background– was that a circular saw?– but he tried his best not to pay attention. "Sorry– here, wait, lemme just– Guys! Shut– stop!" Ryan winced at a loud bang, and then heard Bam laugh. Ryan almost passed out at the sound of his laugh; hearing it was overbearing for him. It was then that the feeling of desperation started noticeably flooding into Ryan's guts, and he had to hold words in his chest and thoughts in his head. He had to use practically every part of his body to control himself so that he wouldn't embarrass himself by trying to ask him to something crazy like go out with him, or worse. "Guys, seriously– shut the hell up! It's the guy about the Hummer–" Bam yelled. "Oooh, is it the same guy you were_ gushing_ to us about bef-" Ryan could hear an unfamiliar voice mocking, before being stopped abruptly after what Ryan assumed to be a hit to the stomach. "Raab, shut the _fuck_ _up_ man!" Bam yelled. As the background noise had gotten quieter, Bam, and only Bam, was back on the line.

"Sorry about that." He said with a small laugh. After a moment of silence, Bam asked, "Ryan– you still there?"

"Yeah, yeah." Ryan said with an awkward laugh. Bam let out another chuckle himself.

"Good. So, um, what kind of damage was there to the car?"

"Well, I- _we_\- had to replace the steering column, the A pillar, fix the engine of course, order a new grill..." Ryan sensed that some of this stuff was going over Bam's head, and him listing off all the stuff that he had to do wasn't really helping, especially since all of those things meant more money for Bam to pay. "And, you know, do... uh, other stuff..." Ryan trailed off. Ryan mentally scorned himself for how he ended the sentence, biting his bottom lip hard and quickly shook it off with a movement of his head. There was another moment of silence.

"So, what about the price?"

"Oh, uh–" Ryan glanced down at the numbers he had scribbled out on a post-it note, and took a quick look at some of the insurance papers that were sprawled out on the desk, "about, uh... About $500 for you. Your insurance has the rest covered."

"Awesome, great– when can I see y- pick it up?"

"How about tomorrow, around 12:30, maybe 1ish?"

"Alright. It's a date." Something came out of Ryan's mouth then, some sort of a laugh that he managed to choke on as it made its way out.

"Okay, see you then." Was all Ryan could manage to say before he hung up the phone, sat down in the swivel chair, place his face in his hands, and exhale deeply.


	4. the more you know

"Hey!" Ryan heard a man yell from outside the garage, in the parking lot. He stopped working and turned to see who it was. Ryan's stomach filled to the brim with butterflies at the sight. Bam raised his hand above his head, keeping it still. 'Oh God–' Ryan thought, 'he's here– with his friends too, _shit_.' A feeling of dread stuffed itself into his stomach as well, and neither it nor the butterflies were going well with his lunch. 'Okay, play it cool, man, just... Just do that.' Ryan waved back, and gave an approaching Bam and co. a smile.

"Yo, Ryan, what's up, man?" Bam came up to Ryan and put out his hand to shake, and brought him in for a one-armed hug. Ryan was a bit confused at first, Bam treating him more like they had been friends for a while rather than keeping things the way they were– an auto-shop guy and a customer. Well, at least it would be easier for Ryan to keep things that way for the moment his heart'll break when he finds out that Bam's got a girlfriend or a fiancé or something like that.

"Nothing, nothing. How are things with you?"

"Great. How's the car look?"

"Brand new." Ryan chuckled. "Like nothing ever happened to it." Walking Bam and his friends over to the Hummer, Ryan started again. "Yeah, I actually just finished giving it a final wash before lunch."

"It looks great." One of Bam's friends commented.

"Oh, right, yeah– Ryan, these are my friends, Raab Himself," Bam pointed to the guy who just commented on the car, "Rake Yohn," pointing to the man with long, virtually unkempt wavy hair, "and Tim Glomb," and pointed to the short haired man with a big smile on his face.

"Hey." Ryan greeted them with a smile.

"I've got the money, if uh, if there's anything else that I need to do– or, um–" Bam stuttered.

"Oh yeah, just come over to the office, and we'll finish things up."

"Sure, yeah." One of Bam's friends– Raab– grabbed Bam's arm and pulled him in, whispered something in his ear, and started laughing as Bam's face started turning red.

"Dude– I swear to God–" Bam punched Raab in the arm, "stop giving me crap about this, ya ass!" Bam then strolled over to Ryan, his face still beet red, and continue walking on into the office. "I'm sorry about my friends, man. They're all idiots." Bam said as Ryan sat down in the desk chair to better access the one and only form that he needs to get for Bam at the bottom of the cabinet.

"Don't worry, they're not causing me any trouble."

"Yeah, but they're causing _me_ trouble." Bam let out a laugh. "Normally _I'm_ the one causing trouble _with_ them."

"Really?" Ryan asked in almost disbelief as he sat up and slid the form over to Bam.

"Yeah." Bam grabbed a nearby pen and started scribbling in his name next to the X at the bottom of the paper.

"What do you do?" Bam looked up at Ryan as he finished writing. Ryan felt his heart skip a beat as he met his pool blue eyes.

"Oh, well my older brother is in this band called CKY, and we just run around filming ourselves doing stupid things to help fill in time between music videos for some of the DVDs."

"Like what kinda stuff?" Ryan couldn't help the big smile forming on his face, and the interest growing inside him. Bam took a few seconds to think.

"Uh... We've," Bam started laughing to himself, "we've pushed each other into curbs using shopping carts, we've jumped off of roofs and bridges with umbrellas, and we've umm..." Bam couldn't help but let out another laugh, "Fallen off of roofs into bushes... Just dumb stuff. Really dumb stuff. Mainly for shits and giggles, you know?" At this point, Ryan was looking at him almost dumbfounded, but with a smile still stuck to his face.

"That's just..." Ryan blurted out the only word that came to mind and giggled, "crazy."

"I know, but it's fun, man. There's like, nothing else to do where we live, so it's pretty much our form of entertainment."

"I see your point." That was God's honest truth. Usually on Sundays, the one and only day a week he doesn't work, he's just sitting around his apartment watching stupid TV shows and drinking like a fish in order to forget the hellhole he works in.

"Well," Bam got a tone in his voice like he wanted to make a cheap deal, "_maybe_– I mean, if you're interested– you can come by my place one day and join us." He ended his sentence with a smile like the Cheshire Cat. Now it was Ryan's turn to take a moment to think.

"Sure. What do I have to lose?" Bam laughed.

"Great. Here, let me give you my address. Should I give you my number too, or do you still have it?" Ryan wanted to admit to Bam that he had practically memorized his number by this point, but he kept his admission inside his chest.

"You know, I might've thrown it away... Maybe you should write it down, just in case."

As he finished writing, Ryan stood up from the chair and moved himself next to Bam. He could feel his palms getting sweaty again, and wished he could better control his nerves.

"Here you go." Bam said with a smile, placing the slip of paper into Ryan's hand.

"Thanks." Ryan replied. Walking with Bam out the office door that led out into the garage, they were greeted with the sight and sound of Bam's friends huddled in a circle, laughing.

"By the way, what day works best for you?" Bam asked as they approached the group.

"Sundays are my only day off from this Godforsaken place, so if you're alright with that, I mean–"

"Yeah, no, Sunday's fine. Just call before you come over. I'll give directions."

"Alright, see you then, Bam." As Bam opened the driver's side door and was about to slide himself in, he gave Ryan a wave.

"See ya!" As soon as the engine turned over, Ryan could see Bam's friends practically jumping around in the car like monkeys, yelling and laughing, and as they drove out of the parking lot, loud heavy metal came blasting from the speakers inside the car. Looking down at the note in his hand, Ryan couldn't help but smile.

"Dunn!" He heard Tony bark at him from the office door behind him, mouth filled with a bite of the half–eaten hero sandwich he was holding, "I'm not fucking paying you to stand around and grin like an idiot! Get the _hell_ back to work, _now_!" 


	5. viva la bam

**{A/N: This chapter is kind of based off of/inspired by one of the episodes in Viva La Bam, season 2– I think it might of been the Fat Boy Face-Off episode, but I'm not 100% sure. Just so we're clear though. I still don't own Viva La Bam, nor do own anyone/thing associated.}  
**  
Bam's directions led Ryan to a nice, quiet, suburban neighborhood just on the outskirts of West Chester, about 30 or 40 minutes from Ryan's crappy apartment downtown. Approaching the door, Ryan's nerves started going crazy again. After a few knocks, a blonde, older woman answered the door, and Ryan's mouth instantly went dry. She answered the door with a "Hello?"

"Hi, uh, I'm– I'm Ryan, and uh, I'm looking for Bam? Um, he told me lives here...?"

"Oh, you're one of Bam's friends! I thought I had already met all of them! I'm April, Bam's mom." She stuck out her hand for Ryan to shake. "Come on in, Ryan. Bam!" Ryan didn't even get a chance to take a step before, as if on cue, a baseball came flying into the entryway, with Bam running at full speed behind it, sliding on the hardwood floor and slamming into the wall to try and catch it. Sure enough, the sound of glass shattering followed Bam's throw of the ball into the other room.

"Jesus, Bam!" April squealed, "What the _hell_ are you doing?" Ryan could see some of Bam's friends in the other room poking their heads into the hallway to get a better sense of what April was yelling at Bam for this time. Either that, or to better hear what kind of excuse Bam would come up with.

"We're playing ball." It was the sense of near seriousness in Bam's voice that made Ryan start giggling. He made it sound like they were playing baseball out on a regular field rather than inside the house.

"Well, stop it, Bam, you're breaking everything–" April started making her way down the hallway. Ryan followed to take a look at the damage for himself. Ryan saw Bam glance over at him and give him a quick upwards nod of his head, silently telling him "Hey," and put out his fist for a bump. Ryan made his way over to him to seal the deal and give him a quick and almost quiet, "Hi."

"And– ugh, Bam– the vase– and–" April let out an audible gasp, "the window, Bam– do you know how much money that's gonna cost to fix that?" Bam just shrugged his shoulders and made an 'I don't know' sound. "Can you at least clean it up?"

"Well, we were gonna anyways, 'cause we gotta finish this inning and we can't just be stepping on glass for the rest of it, now can we?" April rolled her eyes and walked over to the closet to grab a broom and dustpan, handing them both over to Tim Glomb, and left the room– not without shaking her head of course, and muttering under her breath about how they "better not continue to ruin the house."

"Should I help out or something, or...?" Ryan asked.

"Nah, man. _You_ are a _guest_ in this house," he said, softly poking Ryan in the chest, "and all you gotta do is enjoy yourself. Hey, guys," Bam turned to the face the rest of the guys in the room, "just in case any of you idiots don't remember, this is Ryan."

"Oh yeah," Chris Raab approached him, "the guy from the garage! What's up?" Raab gave Ryan a one-armed hug.

"You probably remember Raab Himself, Glomb, and Rake Yohn." Bam pointed them all out, thankfully reminding Ryan, because he was never really that great at remembering names. "This is Dico," Bam pointed out the umpire/catcher with wild hair sticking out in all directions. Bam then pointed over to the big bearded man sitting at the kitchen table, "And that's Phil, one of our very own fat fucks." The man didn't even look over. He seemed too concentrated on the hoagie he was eating.

"You should see Vito," Rake said, "he's even fatter."

"Dude, you should _hear_ Vito," Glomb said with a laugh.

"You probably already can," Bam said as he began to giggle, "the ground starts shaking every time he's nearby. It's like Jurassic Park or Godzilla or some shit like that."

"Oh my God, he mumbles like crazy though." Glomb said as he got back into his explanation, "I can never understand a word he's saying."

"Nobody can, ever." Raab added in. After a beat of near silence, the only noise really being made was that of Glomb sweeping the glass aside and Phil eating, Bam got the game started back up.

"Ryan, why don't you bat?" Rake suggested.

"Alright, fine." Ryan grabbed the bat from Raab's hand that was offering the bat out to him, and walked up to the home plate– a line of black electrical tape stuck to the floor. As Bam pointed where the bases were, Ryan got himself ready to swing. As he did so, looking at Bam distracted him a little. At least, that's the excuse that he told himself because, well, how wouldn't he get distracted by Bam?

"Swingana miss," Dico called, "strike 1!" Ryan prepared himself again, but not without mentally scorning himself beforehand for practically embarrassing himself in front of Bam and his friends. Being a little bit more focused this time, Ryan's swing caused the ball to go flying past Bam's head and through a window, landing in the front yard. "Home run!" As Ryan started to circle the bases with some of the guys cheering him on, Bam ran to the now broken window to see where the ball went.

"Oh my God! Nice hit, Ryan!" Bam shouted. As soon as his foot touched the home plate (or really, the home line), Dico gave Ryan a high-five as some of the other guys came over to him to do the same.

"Well, Ryan," Bam said, spinning around to face him, "since you hit the ball, you go out and get the ball." Ryan, feeling like it was a fair enough deal, shrugged his shoulders and agreed to do so. As soon as he had grabbed the ball and turned to walk back, he saw the door slam shut and lock. He ran to the door and started pounding away at it, feeling a quick pang of hurt in his heart that he swiftly brushed away. He didn't want his emotions getting in the way of things.

"Guys, come on! Guys!" After a few minutes of slamming his fist against the door, and thinking of other ways to get into this still pretty unfamiliar house, Ryan heard the lock 'click' and the door open to Bam and the guys laughing.

"Sorry, man. I just had to." Bam admitted, putting his hand on Ryan's shoulder, then sliding his entire arm across the back of his neck as Bam guided him into the den where they were playing. "You're new, and you weren't expecting it. This is the kind of stuff we normally do to each other– except worse most of the time."

"So it's like the new-kid-induction-ritual type-a-thing, I got it."

"Yeah, pretty much." Bam confirmed. "C'mon, let's go mess with Phil."


	6. face painting

During the week at work, Ryan thought up of a way to get back at Bam. While Bam made his way to the bathroom, he filled in the others.

"Okay, I've got a plan: we keep him locked in the bathroom-"

"That's stupid." Rake interrupted.

"Rake, I've barely started explaining. Hear me out, alright? So like– Dico and, you, Rake– you two keep him occupied. The rest of us will get balloons that I've filed with paint out of trunk of my car. Then when Bam comes out, we'll just start chucking the paint balloons at him. Got it?" They all agreed with smiles on their faces. "Alright. Let's do this."

* * *

Running back inside with as many balloons as he could carry, nearly dropping some, Ryan could hear Bam practically punching his way through the door and yelling at Rake and Dico to let him out. Ryan nodded at them, telling them to let Bam free. As soon as Bam became fully visible, Ryan threw the first balloon as hard as he could at Bam, hitting him on his fully exposed torso, just to the right of his navel. He yelled out as Ryan, Glomb, and Raab continued throwing. As they ran out of balloons, Bam could only stand there in shock, looking down at the ground, covered nearly head–to–toe in various colors.

Looking up, Bam started laughing, which caused the others to laugh as well. Ryan felt a wave of nervousness flood his guts, but didn't let that stop him from laughing along with the group. Ryan knew that this could end one of two ways: either Bam would respond well to the prank and start laughing with them, _or_, he would kick Ryan out and that was the end of everything– the end of their still quite new friendship, which Ryan has been basically praying to God to give it even the slightest chance of evolving into something more. To Ryan's surprise, he wasn't mad– or, at least, he didn't_ look_ mad. Although his nervousness was fading out and he was almost genuinely laughing at this point, he was still a little scared that Bam would blow up at any second.

"Who the hell's idea was this?" Bam asked as he began to wipe the paint off of his face.

"Ryan's!" Glomb said in his fit of laughter.

"Dude–" Bam started, laughter getting to him, "This was all you?" Ryan nodded, unable to speak because he was laughing so hard. "Dude," Bam walked over to Ryan with one of his painted hands raised, wanting Ryan to return his high-five, "I'm impressed." Ryan felt a weight lift off of his shoulders as Bam's high-five smeared paint onto his palm.

"I had to get you back somehow after locking me out."

"You did well, Ry." Bam said as he put his hand on Ryan's shoulder. "Even though you haven't been with us long, you really learn quick." Bam started to walk past Ryan, wiping his hand on Ryan's shirt as he went. "I'm gonna go get cleaned up. You assholes clean all this up before Ape sees it and freaks."

* * *

"So Ryan," Raab started, as he continued scrubbing the wet paint off the wall next to the bathroom door, "what do you think of Bam?" Ryan was using the mop to clean up part of the floor, while Glomb, Rake, and Dico used brushes to scrub the affected areas nearby. Ryan shrugged, trying not to make his real feelings obvious in any way.

"I don't know. He's pretty alright."

"Kinda crazy, right?" Glomb asked. Ryan nodded in agreement.

"Yeah." Ryan was already getting a vibe that something was up. Ryan gave them both a suspicious look. "Why? Is there something I should know about?"

"Well, I mean..." Raab trailed off.

"'Well' what?" Ryan had stopped mopping and was looking at Raab seriously. Raab turned to Glomb, who was kneeling down on the ground, scrubbing away at a puddle of purple paint.

"Glomb, do you want to take this one?"

"Nah, man. You go ahead. You've known Bam the longest."

"Well, ya see, Ryan..." Raab looked back at Ryan, "Um... Remember that 'Birds and the Bees' story your parents told you when you were younger?" Ryan nodded. He didn't _want_ to remember how his parents told him about 'Birds and the Bees,' 'cause frankly, they did a terrible job. "Well Bam is, uh... He's more of a 'Bees' man himself." Ryan, not understanding where Raab was going with this, gave him a weird look. Raab laughed uncomfortably. "Listen dude, I don't want to have to be the one to explain this to you. I'm just gonna let Bam do that on his own. All I'm gonna say is that Bam likes to get stung by bees, and I just... Hope you're okay with that." Ryan was still pretty unsure about Raab was saying.

"Why can't you just tell me this thing about Bam? Like, stop using metaphors and shit and just tell me."

"'Cause, the last time Raab told someone about Bam," Rake explained, "the person pretty much pushed Bam away and it broke his heart."

"Yeah, he kinda took out his anger on me– I mean, it was kinda my fault, but still."

"Just, wait awhile, Ry. Bam'll tell you when he's ready." Glomb said.

"Tell me what? What are you guys trying to fucking tell me?"

"Should I just tell him?"

"No, Dico. Just–" Raab took in a big breath, obviously trying to calm himself down some. "Okay, Ryan. I know this is a sensitive issue, and you don't _have _to answer, but, we just can't see Bam heartbroken again. You know how there are guys who like only girls, right?"

"Yeah."

"And guys who like guys _and_ girls, right?"

"Yeah."

"And guys who only like guys?"

"Mhmm."

"Well, uh– which one of those are you?" Raab asked Ryan nervously.

"Are fucking asking me if I'm gay or not?" Raab looked around at the rest of the guys, like he was expecting back-up. Then he looked back at Ryan, eyes a little bit wider out of fear.

"Y–yeah." Ryan sighed, leaning into the group a bit, feeling nervous about the words he was about to say.

"Would you guys hate me if I _was_ gay?" All of them shook their heads no. "Oh, thank God... 'Cause I am."


	7. dashboard confessions

Weeks later, Bam and Ryan were driving over to a fireworks shop about an hour away to get some special ones for another prank they wanted to pull off that included the fireworks and Don Vito. The conversation they were having had died off a few minutes ago, and they had been driving in silence since.

"Listen, Ry, there's something I want to tell you."

"Yeah?" Ryan said, swallowing hard as the feeling of dread snaked itself around inside his body. Ryan hasn't exactly had a great history with that sentence.

"I don't exactly know how else to tell you this, but I'm gay– and I _really_ hope that that doesn't affect anything between us or anything-"

"-Bam-"

"-'cause I know that some people-"

"-Bam, Bam– it's alright, man, it's cool." Bam let out a sigh.

"Oh, thank God, what a relief. I thought I was gonna scare you away with that."

"Nah, nah, you couldn't scare me away with that information. Not when I'm the same way."

"Wait– what?" Bam asked, giving Ryan a quick, confused glance before putting his eyes back on the road.

"Dude, I'm gay too. Actually, I, uh– this," Ryan laughed nervously, "this is gonna sound really stupid– like _so_ stupid– but uh, I actually might, kind of... Have a crush on you." Ryan didn't mean for the last part to come out more as a question than it did, but he _did_ mean to say it as fast as he did, thinking, with his idiotic logic, that maybe if he said what he said quickly that maybe he could just take back his words easier. "But, I mean– I totally understand if you don't feel the same way– I–I don't want you too- I mean– _shit_\- fuck-" Ryan couldn't help but keep choking on his heart as it leapt up his throat and try to escape with the words he was spewing out of his mouth. 'You're _ruining_ this– you're _fucking ruining_ this, you _fucking_ moron-'

"No, no, Ryan, it's okay. Ryan, I... I, uh," Bam chuckled, "I like you too." Ryan couldn't believe what he had just heard.

"You mean you... Like, you're– you–" Ryan took a breath in, "you like me, like I like you... And, like-"

"Yeah. Fuck, dude. This is just-" Ryan looked over to Bam, whose smile was practically covering his face, and Ryan couldn't help but smile too.

"Crazy?" Ryan suggested.

"Crazy, yeah... Crazy." After a beat of silence, the only thing Ryan could do was ask Bam one of the only questions on his mind at the moment:

"So, what do we do now?"

"I don't know... I don't even know if I've ever officially done that before– like, actually tell a guy that I like him."

"Yeah, me neither. It's pretty much been like, just sex. No real love, no real nothin'."

"Yeah, like, the only time I've told a guy that I liked him– or loved him– was between the sheets. And even then, it didn't have the same weight as it does now. This time, with you, it just feels... So, different, I guess, you know what I mean?"

"Dude, definitely."

* * *

Placing the last box of fireworks into the trunk of the Hummer, Ryan looked over to Bam, whose face was gleaming with an almost sense of pride as he reached to close the door.

"This is gonna be great." Bam said.

"Oh man, totally. He's gonna be so pissed." Ryan went to go open the passenger side door, but Bam told him to wait.

"I wanna do something first." Bam gently took Ryan's hands in his and looked him the eyes as he leaned in, his eyes now slowly closing, and placed his lips softly on Ryan's. The kiss only lasted a couple seconds, but it was surprisingly soft and gentle, and it managed to make Ryan lean back against the side of the car, dizzy with love. He wasn't ready for Bam to pull away, and he could feel his heart almost break when he did.

"Wow." Bam said, eyes fluttering open, examining Ryan's face in front of him. All Ryan could do was stand there, looking at him like an idiot, and respond with a "Yeah." Ryan couldn't care how stupid he thought he looked in that moment, because that's when an ear-to-ear smile appeared on Bam's face. Seeing that smile always nearly killed him, and it made a smile appear on his face nearly every time.

"C'mon, let's get going." Bam said, starting to move away from Ryan, his hands sliding out of Ryan's grasp. Ryan almost let out an audible "No," wishing for more of what he just had gotten. Bam must've looked back at him and seen the pained look on Ryan's face, because the next words out of his mouth were begging him, "Please, Dunn, don't look at me like that. We _have_ to be getting back on the road– Glomb and those guys are probably already almost done setting up everything for Vito's rave."

"Fine. Just-" Ryan pecked Bam on the lips, and then, before he knew it, Bam was making his way into the driver's side of the car. Ryan sighed, bringing himself back down to Earth as the car started, and got inside.


	8. raving mad

Vito's rave couldn't be any more of a success. Ryan and Bam had gotten there just in time to help Glomb and the guys put in the finishing touches to the whole shebang. Of course, after the fireworks went off inside (and outside) his newly spray painted car, Vito freaked and started yelling and throwing a fit, half which nobody could understand.

Just as planned.

"Mhg gets away dfretrer gbby! Bam aklhn gch friends hallddastyme." Vito mumbled, walking towards the house. "I'm gonnagongo make me a sammich." The guys were in hysterics at this point; Ryan, Raab, and Rake were on the ground in tears, Bam was bent over the hood of his car and banging it with his fist, and Glomb and Dico were both laughing so hard that no actual noise was coming out of their mouths. It took them all a couple of minutes to settle down and catch their breath.

"That was so great, man." Raab admitted.

"Definitely, definitely." Rake agreed.

"D'you see his face when the fireworks went off?" Bam asked. "I swear to God, I thought his bad eye was gonna start spinning around or something!"

"What the hell was he mumbling about before he left?" Dico asked, to which Raab replied:

"Who the hell knows?" After a moment of silence, Rake brought up another good question.

"What do you guys wanna do now?"

"I'm up for some pool." Glomb said.

"Alright," Bam decided, "let's go play some pool then."

* * *

As the pool table was being set up, Bam pulled Ryan aside [into the kitchen].

"Do you think we should tell them? Ya know, about us?"

"Well, I don't know, I mean, this whole thing just kinda started. I don't even know if we're like, a couple or anything yet."

"Do you wanna be?" Ryan was feeling heat climbing up to his cheeks at the question.

"Yeah, sure. I mean– if you wanna be."

"Oh, yeah, definitely." Bam hastily agreed. They were both quiet for a beat, smiling at each other. "So..."

"I think we should tell them." Bam's smile returned to his face. Grabbing Ryan's hand, he led him out to the common room.

"Hey, guys. Before you guys start playing, there's something we want to tell you." Ryan looked over at Bam, causing Bam to turn his head and look at him, beaming with joy. Ryan couldn't help but to then look down at his shoes, half embarrassed, the smile on his face growing bigger. Bam waited a moment to continue saying, "We're officially together."

"Yo, dude!" Raab exclaimed, walking over to them and giving them both a one-armed hug.

"That's great, you guys." Glomb said with a smile. Dico agreed, nodding his head smiling as well.

"Yeah, yeah, that's awesome and all, but can we get this game started? I gotta kick Glomb's ass." Dico punched Rake in the arm.

"Rake, don't be such a dick and just be happy for them!"

"Ow, Dico, that fucking hurt!"

"Then don't be such an asshole!"

"Guys, guys, calm down, alright?" Glomb said, attempting to make the two stop arguing. "Just be happy– this is a _happy_ occasion." The two stepped away from each other, giving each other the stink eye. Rake finally turned his head, congratulating Bam and Ryan through gritted teeth.

* * *

Nearly a month and a half later, Ryan and Bam were lying down on the couch together, with Bam's arm draped over Ryan's stomach, making small, soft circles with his index finger on his skin, and watching an old Bugs Bunny cartoon as the rest of the guys played in the pool outside.

"Hey, Ry?" Bam asked with some concern in his voice, to an unmoving Ryan.

"Yeah?"

"I was just wondering, do you wanna move in?" This question made Ryan look back at Bam, who now was perching himself up on his elbow, using the pillow for support.

"What?"

"Do you wanna move in?" Bam repeated. Ryan twisted his body around so that he was now fully facing Bam.

"W–with you?"

"No, with Oprah. We can have all the food that she doesn't get to first." Ryan laughed.

"Alright, I kind of deserve that. That was a pretty dumb question. But, um... I don't know. That's kind of a tough decision to make right now."

"What are you trying to say? You don't wanna move in?"

"No, no, not at all. It's just... Can I have some time to think about it?"

"Yeah," Bam said reluctantly, "yeah. Sure."


	9. apartment life

Ryan had an answer the next Sunday he came over. April had asked all of the guys to help her make lunch in the kitchen.

"Bam and I'll be there in a second, Ape."

"Alright. Take your time." Ape told them. Ryan took a seat on the couch in front of the TV, where Bam had asked his big question the week before.

"I've been thinking about this– about us– and–" Ryan noticed the panicked look on Bam's face, causing a shock of pain to go off in his heart, "no, no, no– not in a bad way." Ryan knew that he was not doing a great job at telling Bam his decision, so he tried desperately to save the moment. "Definitely not in a bad way. I just... I made a decision." There was a new look on Bam's face, one of hope, one that made Ryan relieved to see. "Now, I've given this a lot of thought, and, I... Wanna move in." Ryan punctuated the last of his words with a smile. It was obvious that Bam was speechless, by the way his mouth was agape. Ryan quickly found Bam's bare arms wrapped tightly around him. All Ryan could think to do was hug him right back.

* * *

"_This_ is _your apartment_?" Bam said in disbelief upon surveying the living room. "Jesus."

"Well, yeah, it _was_." Ryan admitted, embarrassed by his now former home, and gave an empty beer can a small kick. When he told his landlord he was moving out, the small smile combined with the "Oh, good!" she had told him helped give him more reason to be happy about this. He definitely wasn't going to miss her, or those damn late rent notices she stuck on his door.

"You're definitely _not_ bringing some of this stuff back to the house. Especially that chair over there." Bam told him, pointing at the raggedy old recliner sitting in front of the TV.

"Well, what about the couch? I think I actually paid for that." Bam scoffed.

"Where the hell d'you get it?"

"GoodWill, I think." Bam just looked at him, shaking his head.

"Fine, you can bring it. As long as I get to say where it goes."

"Okay, fine. Let's just clean up all the cans first before we start actually moving anything. I don't feel like having one of these things be the death of me."

"How is an empty beer can gonna kill you?"

"When we're moving the couch, I could like, trip on it or something and the couch'll end up crushing me." Bam just shook his head again, and Ryan laughed.

"What? I just don't feel like dying."

"I can't _believe_ I'm dating you sometimes, you know that?"

"Well that's not _my_ fault. _You're_ the one with the pretty smile, and the pretty eyes, and the pretty laugh, and the fucking pretty everything, man! You can get _anyone_, but you chose _me_!"

"Oh, yeah, right– like there's nothing attractive about you?"

"No, there isn't!"

"Dude, that is _so_ not true. You're fucking fantastic! Your eyes are the nicest shade of blue, you're funny as hell..." As Bam kept describing some of his favorite features about Ryan, he got a little bit more serious, and a little bit closer to him– close enough to take his hand in his, lean in a bit more, and lock lips. When the kiss broke, Ryan said the first words that came to mind slip out of his mouth.

"I love you." For a moment, Bam looked thrown off, making Ryan worry.

"Dude, I..." Bam sounded almost speechless. "I love you too." Ryan kissed Bam again, only breaking it when his smile made it hard to do so.

"You wanna take this into the uh, bedroom?" Ryan asked, with a tiny chuckle escaping his lips.

"Yeah," Bam agreed, letting out a similar small laugh, "sure." With one of his hands still holding on to Bam's, Ryan led him into the bedroom in the back of the apartment, and immediately pushed him up against the wall next to the closet to the right. Ryan kissed him eagerly, softly biting his lips as he did so. Bam broke the kiss, gasping for air. "Fuck... You're so into this..." Bam started up the kiss again, stating in between some of the little moments their lips were apart, "That's so, fuckin', hot..." Bam's hands started traveling to the hem of Ryan's shirt and soon enough traveling underneath, and began rubbing the tops of his hips.

"Mmm... Fuck..." Ryan said about his growing erection. Ryan assumed that Bam had caught on to it, as he started kissing down his jawline to his neck, and grabbed on to Ryan's hips, spinning him around and pushing him up against the wall. He began pulling up Ryan's shirt as soon as he did so, throwing the piece of fabric on the hardwood floor next to them. Bam started up again where he had left of, and, soon enough, was placing kisses down Ryan's chest. "Aw fuck, Bam, fuck..." Ryan could feel his eyes rolling back into his head in a state of bliss. Closing them, he was caught by surprise when Bam grabbed his shoulders and pushed him onto the bed.

Bam was looking at him with lust in his eyes as he climbed on top of Ryan. When Bam started kissing and licking his nipples, he didn't want to say anything, fearing that he'd ruin the moment, but it was when Bam lightly bit down on the sensitive area that he couldn't help himself.

"Bam," Ryan said with concern.

"Mm?" Bam replied, looking up at him, lips still on his left nipple.

"I–I don't like that." The look Bam gave Ryan nearly shattered his heart as he sat up, straddling Ryan's lap.

"Really?" Bam asked curiously. "Well, what do you like?"

"It doesn't matter right now– just fuck me."

"Wait, can we at least take like, two seconds to sort this out? 'Cause I don't wanna do anything else wrong with you. I love you, Ry, I really do, and I don't wanna make you uncomfortable."

"Well... You can suck my dick." Ryan said, looking up at him with a smirk on his face. "Finger me some. _Then_ you can fuck me." Bam smirked back at him, as he went back down on him.

"Whatever you want, man. Whatever you want..." Bam unzipped Ryan's ripped black jeans, and began tugging at them, pulling them down to his ankles. Ryan pushed his shoes off his feet using the opposite foot to help, while Bam managed to take the remainder Ryan's pants off, with the socks coming off with them. Ryan's erection was even more apparent now, with the fabric of his boxers barely restraining it, if at all. Bam got off from on top of Ryan, only for a moment, in order to take his clothes off.

"Now, where were we...?" Bam said, reaching for Ryan's boxers and pulling them off in one motion. He returned to kissing down Ryan's torso, and started reaching underneath the hem of his boxers. Once he felt Bam's fingertips slide close to his dick, Ryan squeezed his eyes shut and bucked his hips a bit.

"Bam," Ryan said through gritted teeth, "hurry up. I'm so close..."

"Already? I've barely done anything to you. I haven't even-"

"I know, just fucking– come on."

"So, you want me to speed things up, huh?" Bam said in a teasing tone. "Alright, if that's what you want..." The next thing Ryan could feel was Bam's lips on the tip of his dick, followed by his tongue swirling around it as his lips moved down halfway. Ryan had to fight the strong urge to buck his hips harder than he did before. Bam continued to suck ever so slowly, until Ryan's tip hit the back of his throat. Ryan was practically seeing stars at this point, and it was getting harder and harder for him not to cum.

"Bam, come _on_, _fuck _me..." Ryan pleaded desperately. Luckily, Ryan began to feel Bam's mouth come off his dick, and felt kisses being planted on his inner thighs.

"I will in a minute..." Ryan cracked an eye open, and caught the sight of Bam coating two of his fingers with saliva. "You know, I love it when you beg like that." He shut his eye again, thinking of something to say.

"Fuck me hard, Bam. Please, for the love of God..."

"Yeah, like that... Hold on. You got lube?" Bam asked.

"Drawer." Ryan said pointing at the shabby side table that held the only lamp in the room next to them. After pulling out the lube and returning to his spot on top of Ryan, he kept it unopened for a moment in his left hand, and placed his two slick fingers at the base of his entrance. "You ready?"

"Fuck, yes..." Ryan breathed out. As he got used to the feeling of Bam's two fingers, he pleaded for Bam to "just fucking do me already!" Bam did as he was told, lubing himself up and sliding himself carefully into Ryan. "Uhnn, Jesus..." After a few slow motions, Ryan began begging Bam to go faster and harder. "Bam, fuck," Ryan breathed out, bucking his hips and keeping his back arched, "I think I'm gonna... I think I'm gonna cum!-" In a few short moments afterwards, he could feel Bam's orgasm inside of him, filling him up, as he spewed profanity. Bam slid himself out of Ryan and fell over to the empty section of bed next to him.

"Damn..." Bam said, breathing heavily. He looked over to Ryan, continuing his sentence, "That was... Intense."

"Hell yeah it was." Ryan said, looking back over to him, just as out of breath as Bam was. They sealed their agreement with a kiss.


	10. offerings

"Bam! Whadda hell!" Vito exclaimed, looking up at Bam who had just pushed Ryan's couch over the second story railing into the room down below. "Ya coulda killed me!" Bam cackled, before yelling down to Vito:

"Vito, calm down! We're just doing some remodeling!"

"That's not remodeling ya recklyst peesa blasddnb ognin! Jeez!" Bam couldn't stop laughing along with Raab and Glomb, both of which had helped Bam in getting the couch up to the second floor and pushing it over. Ryan walked into the lower hall, removing his sunglasses, observing where the couch had crashed, hearing Vito's yelling and some familiar laughter. Taking his glasses of, Ryan yelled up to Bam,

"Dude, really? I fucking _paid_ for that couch!"

"Well _I_ paid for it to get shipped over here. Plus, you said that I could do whatever I wanted with that piece-of-shit couch!"

"Yeah, but I didn't mean this!"

"Oooh, first argument as a couple!" Raab yelled in a

"We're _not_ arguing!" Ryan yelled back at Raab, sighing afterwards. "It's just a misunderstanding." Glomb and Raab gave each other a look, like they both knew that Ryan was lying through his teeth. Well, it was already pretty obvious that he was. "Bam, you better fucking get me a new couch."

"Don't worry, Ry, I will, calm down." Bam assured him. Bam's words didn't help him; his anger was still there. He knew he shouldn't be this upset about an admittedly shitty couch, but Ryan still held on to the reason– or maybe the excuse?– that the crappy couch was important to him because he paid for it with his own money. He tried his best to brush off his anger as he walked up the stairs to greet Glomb and Raab.

"When the hell'd you two monkeys get here?" Ryan greeted them both one-armed hugs.

"'Bout half an hour ago." Raab told Ryan.

"Apparently," Glomb started, "something good happened when we weren't around, judging by what Bam's saying." Ryan immediately glared at Bam.

"Dude, did you seriously fucking tell them about what happened at my apartment? That's private shit, Bam-"

"No– Ry, Ry– I didn't tell them that."

"Oooh, what happened?" Raab pried.

"Nothing, Raab." Ryan said with annoyance, and tinged with relief.

"While you were out," Bam continued, "we got a call from some guys at who work for some skateboarding magazine."

"Big Brother magazine." Glomb chimed in.

"Yeah, yeah, Big Brother. Anyways, they somehow saw some of our stuff, and they liked it. They mentioned something about the possibilities of making a TV show out of it." Ryan couldn't shut his jaw.

"Seriously?! What d'you say to them?"

"I said I'd talk it over with you guys."

"I think we should do it." Glomb said. "I mean, it sounds like a really good thing. Plus, a TV show /could/ help get CKY out there."

"You think so?" Bam asked.

"Yeah, man. Definitely."

"This is huge, man!" Raab exclaimed.

"Did they leave a number you could call?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah. I wrote it down."

"Well let's go call 'em!" Raab yelled.

"Wait, wait, wait– what about Rake and Dico? Did you talk to them about it?"

"It's fine, Ry. I'll call 'em later. Alright, let's go do this!" The three of them stared at Bam as he took out a slip of paper and dialed the number on it. As this was happening Raab, being the excited little kid that he is, was annoying the hell out of Bam about putting it on speakerphone so that they all could hear.

"Shh, shut up, Raab!" Glomb told him. "It's ringing." Soon enough, a man picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hello, yeah, we're calling back about an offer someone made to us earlier?" Bam explained. "My name's Bam Margera."

"Ah, Bam, hi. Yeah, you spoke to me earlier. Jeff Tremaine."

"Hi, Jeff!"

"Raab, shut up, man." Bam told him, hitting his shoulder. "Sorry, a few of the guys from the crew are here, and one of 'em's an idiot." Jeff laughed.

"It's okay. We're pretty used to idiots around here. Actually, speaking of, we've got at least two picked out already that could really help out with the show idea we were speaking about earlier. Now, you _did_ tell your friends about the show, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course."

"Good. Well, we were thinking of flying you guys out here to California to meet them. That sound alright?" The guys all agreed.

"Perfect. We might have you guys do some work with them while you're out here– you know, just to shoot a few skits. It'll all most likely end up being in a pilot episode that we'll end up pitching to networks."

"Cool." Bam replied. "Sounds great."

"Great. While I still have you here, do you have any questions for me?" Glomb answered Jeff immediately.

"Yeah, what are the guy's names?"

"Oh, uh," there was the sound of paper rustling before Jeff gave his answer, "Johnny Knoxville, who I've met a few times before– he's done some stuff for us here a few times– and a guy who goes by the name of Steve-O."

"Alright," Glomb continued, satisfied with Jeff's answer, "and when does our flight leave?"

"We'll call this number when we've got that stuff set up for you guys."

"Awesome." Bam said, finishing the conversation. "Alright, thanks."

"Bye."

"Bye."

"Who else is psyched?!" Raab asked after the tell–tale hang–up click was heard.

"Yeah!" Bam replied, shoving Raab playfully. 


	11. show me the money

After calming down an upset Dico and an even more upset Rake, the guys had gotten a call from Big Brother concerning their new upcoming travel plans. By a stroke of good luck, Ryan had managed to help get the guys together and make it to the airport in time. They were greeted by someone Ryan assumed to be Jeff upon their arrival to the Big Brother offices, along with two strangers.

"Hey, guys." Jeff welcomed them, shaking all of their hands. "I'm Jeff, this is Johnny, and Steve-O." He [nudged] his head to his right, then left respectively, showing the group who was who. After a little role call of their own, along with shaking more hands, they were all led to a conference room, where they met with another man by the name of Spike Jonze.

* * *

"Now," Spike started, "all of you have one thing in common: you all willingly do stupid things for laughs. Jeff and I felt like this would be a great idea for a TV show, which I assume you all know about by now."

"Yeah, they know." Jeff interrupted. "I told them all already."

"Great. We were planning on using stuff from both the CKY videos and the a few of the Big Brother videos that've already been shot, but we felt like in order to help sell a pilot to production companies, it would be good to throw in a few clips of both groups doing stuff together."

"What's in it for us?" Bam blurted out. This caused Spike to ask,

"What do you mean?"

"Like payment." Spike looked at him with curiosity. Ryan tried to save the moment.

"I think what Bam here is trying to ask is if we'll be getting paid."

"Oh. Well, um, the pay isn't going to be _great_ exactly... Um, are you all okay with minimum wage?"

"Minimum wage?!" Bam cried, standing up. He was getting just as upset as some of his friends, and Ryan knew that his temper wasn't going to help him out here. Taking grasp of his forearm, Ryan sat his boyfriend back down.

"I know, I know," Spike tried calmly, "it's not what you were expecting, but I assure you that once this gets picked, your pay will increase, but there _is_ a lot of you, and we aren't exactly a huge company here. We're kind of taking a risk even trying for this. We don't know how it'll all pan out." Jeff became clearly upset by what Spike had just said, and leaned his mouth in next to his ear and whispered something inaudibly. They whispered back and forth for a few moments in quiet argument. As they finished, Spike continued. "Okay, listen guys, I know it's not what you want to be hearing right now, but it's all we can offer right now. Can we please just cut a deal?"

"Hold on." Bam said. The gang circled their swivel chairs around him as Bam spoke softly. "Should we do it?"

"The pay's shit. I don't know if I want to." Rake immediately said. Raab looked like he wanted to agree with his friend, and Glomb just looked unsure, so Ryan decided to put his two cents in.

"Yeah, but what if the show gets picked up? He said we'll be getting more. I say we go for it."

"Yeah, but why?" Rake asked.

"_Why?_ Dude, why the hell not? We need money. That's kind of the whole deal right now."

"Well, it _is_ a steady source of income." Glomb chimed in.

"Yeah. Plus," Ryan added, "there's a chance of fame here."

"What about my skateboarding?"

"Dude, Bam, I'm sure you'd still be able to skate. I don't think they'd put restrictions on us like that– _especially_ if we're making them money." There was a moment of silence, before Bam chimed in with more.

"Well... You'd finally be able to get away from that dumbass job with that dick of a boss of yours." Ryan smiled, agreeing with Bam.

"Oh, yeah." Glomb said, as if he had just remembered something. "How the hell'd you even get out of work for this?"

"I've got my ways." Ryan said with a sly smile. "So, are you guys in? 'Cause I'm 100% in if you all are."

"Alright, I'm in." Raab said. Bam joined in, along with Glomb.

"Well, Rake?" Bam asked, waiting on his answer.

"Sure." Rake said, his tone sounding almost forced, almost like he was under peer pressure to say yes.

"Okay." Bam started, turning to Spike and Jeff, sitting across the table from them. "We've agreed. We'll do it."

"Great!" Jeff exclaimed. "Just great."

"Well, now that that's settled, are there any other questions?"

"Actually," Johnny started, turning to Bam, "Steve-O and I were wondering if any of you already had some ideas for skits?" Ryan looked over at Bam, and could've sworn that his cheeks were turning a little bit redder.

"Well, I mean, I _have_ had an idea in mind for a while now..."


	12. push and pull

The remainder of their time in California couldn't have gone any better. They got the skits filmed, and Bam offered to take some of them back with him to Pennsylvania to help edit. The only thing was, Ryan felt, was that he was losing his boyfriend. After dropping Glomb, Rake, and Raab off at their own homes, it was just Bam and Ryan left to talk about the recent events.

"I'm surprised that all went as well as it did." Bam said, taking a quick glance over to Ryan in the passenger seat before looking back to the road. Ryan didn't stop looking out the passenger side window. "What's wrong, Ry?"

"Nothing." Ryan replied plainly, not taking his eyes off the quickly passing scenery.

"C'mon, Ry."

"I told you, nothing's wrong."

"Please, tell me." Ryan sighed, giving up.

"I saw what you two were doing."

"What?" Bam cackled, "With who? What were we doing?"

"Bam, don't act like you don't fucking know. You two were fucking making out with each other!"

"I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about! You're probably just making a big deal out of nothing–"

"_Really_? Fucking _really_?" Ryan yelled as they began to pull into the driveway. "You two– you and Johnny– you were making out in a conference room that hand an _entire fucking wall_ made of glass! Honestly, I wouldn't've been surprised if you two just began fucking right in front of me!" As soon as Bam parked the car, Ryan got out, slamming the car door behind him and marched mad as hell towards the house.

"Ryan!" Bam yelled for him. "Come on! Nothing was going on, I swear!" Ryan stayed silent, slamming the front door shut behind him. "Ryan!" Ryan could hear him walking after him, but he couldn't deal with looking at Bam right now. All Ryan wanted to do was pack up his stuff and get the hell out of there. "Ry, come on! Sure, he was hot, but-" Ryan spun himself around at the top of the stairs and looked down at Bam at the bottom, giving him a look that practically told him what he was about to say.

"_Really_?! He was_ hot_? Go fuck yourself, Bam!"

"No! Fuck!– What I meant was-" That's all Ryan heard before slamming the bedroom door shut. He scrounged around for another suitcase, but the only suitcases they had were still in the car. He just decided on a large plastic bag that had come from some store they had gone to during their last mall trip that had been laying on the ground beside the closet, and started grabbing for more of his clothes and a few of his things. Suddenly, the door swung open, and there Bam was, floundering in his excuses.

"Bam, I don't want to fucking hear it! It was obvious that you fucking fell for him!" Hearing his own voice cracking, breaking into the sound of him coming close to crying, Ryan felt the tears coming and could just barely hold them in. "That I mean fucking _nothing_ to you anymore! That you don't want us to be together anymore! So why don't you just toss me aside like my last boyfriend did, fly back over to fucking California, and go fucking live with that shitty asshole forever!"

"No, but-" Ryan pushed Bam aside, holding on tight to the bag's handles with a fisted hand. He pulled out his cell phone and called for a taxi as he made his way out of the house, heading straight for the trunk of the car where the rest of his things were. And of course, Bam came out for more. "Ryan, please, just let me fucking explain!–"

"No, Bam, I told you, I don't want to fucking hear it!"

"You know what? Fine! Go the fuck ahead! See if I give a shit!" Bam spat as he went back inside.

"Like you ever _fucking_ did!" All Ryan could do now was finish getting his stuff together and wait for the taxi.

* * *

"Hey, Ryan." A small, familiar voice caught his attention. As he turned to face the person talking to him, Ryan let out a small grunt from the soreness he was feeling in his back. That motel bed he had been sleeping in the few weeks since he had left was notdoing him any good. There was about half an hour left in the work day, and Ryan got himself ready to break the news to the person that they're not taking any cars at the moment. He was surprised to see Raab standing at the edge of the garage floor, with Rake, Dico, and Glomb behind him. Raab lifted the corners of his lips as an attempt to show that he's here as a friend, and not as a foe. "I, uh, want to talk to you. I mean, we all do." He told Ryan, motioning to his friends.

"About Bam." Dico added in.

"Listen, guys. I know things didn't end so great between us, and I'm sorry about that, but I just– I–I can't. I can't talk about this." Ryan turned back to the car he was working on, as if he didn't see the guys there, they would just disappear and he wouldn't have to deal with the pain any more than he has been.

"Dude, I know it's hard." Glomb said. Ryan could hear him stepping forward, coming closer to him. "You're hurting, but so is Bam." He could feel Glomb place a hand on his shoulder. "None of this has been easy."

"Yeah. We don't want to see him in anymore pain." Raab chipped in. Glomb's hand slid off Ryan's shoulder as he turned around to face them all again.

"I know you guys are here to get me back with Bam, but that's just the problem. He hurt me. He broke my heart, you guys. And I..." Ryan shook his head. "I, I can't go back to him. I can't do it."

"You're starting to sound like Bam before we left to come here." Rake told him. "Except he was all like, 'I broke his heart,' and 'He's never gonna take me back,' and blah, blah, blah. You should really see him. He like, doesn't leave his bed, and he's like, _always_ crying."

"I don't even think he's left the house since you did." Dico added.

"Yeah." Raab agreed. "I think you left a t-shirt behind too, 'cause there's this one grey one that's been like, sitting next to his pillow since I first noticed it a few days ago." 'Dammit.' Ryan thought. They were getting to him. Ryan exhaled through gritted teeth.

"Guys. I'd kill to see Bam again, you know that, but I just... wouldn't be able to go through with it. It would hurt _so_ much more than it already does."

"What if he apologized? Would that help things?" Glomb asked.

"Dude, I... I don't know."

"Well, how 'bout this, Ry: tonight you think about it, and tomorrow one of us will come by to get an official answer. Is that okay, man?"

"Alright. I will."

"Cool. We'll see you."

"See ya." The guys began to leave, but Dico stayed behind for a moment.

"You know, just for the record, Ape and Phil miss having you around too. We all do."


	13. the best of times is now

"So," Glomb started, "what's your answer?" Glomb had shown up at around 9:00 that morning, and as soon as Ryan saw him in the parking lot, he had jogged up to talk to him by his car. Ryan had gotten this far without letting any of his co-workers on about his life and what he was going through, and he wasn't about to let it all go down the shitter because he decided to talk to Glomb inside the garage.

"I guess I'll be alright with Bam apologizing. But his apology better be fucking good."

* * *

Ryan had a voicemail on this phone from Raab to come to Bam's during his lunch break for the apology. Ryan really hoped that this apology would go by quick so that Tony wouldn't end up kicking his ass for what he'd most likely end up deeming 'too long of a lunch break.' All morning, he couldn't stop thinking about how Bam's apology would go down. He didn't know how he wanted to react to it; should he accept it and move on? Or not, stay heartbroken, and live with the fact that he may never find someone like Bam again? Then his mind got stuck. Bam, Bam, Bam. His smile, his eyes, the feeling of his skin... Shaking it off did nothing to help him.

The car ride over, he was just as nervous as he was the first time he came to Bam's house. He was dizzy with words he could say, words he _should_ say (but probably won't), and everything good and bad that might go wrong. His arms felt weak as he stood in front of the door, almost ready to knock. Part of him felt like crying, but the tears just weren't there. Not yet at least. April got to the door as soon as he knocked, carrying a laundry basket full of clothes.

"Ryan, hi!" She greeted him, placing the basket on the floor beside him and pulling him into a hug. "Oh, we missed you so much." She pulled out of the hug, and cupped his face in her hands. "I'm sorry about what happened between the two of you. You know, Bam's been just devastated."

"Actually, Ape, I'm here to talk to him. Do you, uh, know where he is?"

"Yes, honey," she said, picking the laundry basket back up, "he's out in the living room."

"Thanks." Ryan gave her the best smile he could. She smiled back, and began to make her way back to the laundry room. As he walked through the house, he couldn't help feeling like a ghost. The house was so familiar to him, but he didn't live there. He remembered where some of the scratches in the hardwood floorboards were, and some of the dents in the walls and how they got there. He smiled as the memories came flooding back.

As he turned the corner and entered the short hall that led into the living room, he was surprised to see Glomb, Raab, Rake, and Dico dressed up in tuxedos. Paired up with each other respectively, they were blocking the hallway.

"Um, excuse me, sir? Were you invited?" Raab asked jokingly, a big smile appearing on his face.

"This is a black tie event too, sir." Dico added in, popping out from behind Glomb. With the hall being as small as it was, the four of them paired up and blocked the hallway that way, Raab standing next to Glomb, and Dico standing next to Rake. "You're gonna have to go back home and change."

"What the hell's going on here?" Ryan asked of them.

"An apology, dude." Raab answered.

"A great one." Glomb added. "Just like you asked for." Ryan looked at them with curiosity.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Rake asked.

"Yeah, come on in." Dico said to him. As the four of them walked in, they all stepped off to the side of the entryway. All of the furniture was pushed off to the side as well, and suddenly, Ryan was walking on a red carpet. Ryan felt that the carpet had to be of Glomb's doing; he knew that nobody else in the house had access to something like that, and Glomb could usually pull something like that off. Ryan's curiosity was still very much there, as Bam suddenly appeared in the middle of the room, standing across from him on the carpet. This made Ryan stop in his tracks. He was wearing the last thing that Ryan would've expected him to wear; a suit. Not just the blazer with no shirt underneath paired with jeans, but a full out suit.

"What...?" Ryan meant for more words to come out of his mouth, but he couldn't think of anything else to say. He could only stand there in awe.

"Ryan Matthew Dunn." Bam announced. "Coming here today, you're probably expecting an apology from me– don't worry, you're gonna get it– but you're going to be getting something more from all of this as well. Now, I know I was an asshole. I've been told quite a few times in my life that I am, and I can't help but live up to that description of myself from time to time. I don't know how easy it would be for me to change that part of myself, but you put up with that part of me for a while, well, before I fucked it all up.

"What I'm trying to get at here is, I was a grade-A douchebag for throwing away what we had. I'm just so used to people leaving me, because they get tired of putting up with me for so long, and I got distracted– not even that. I–I just saw someone else that I thought would be able to deal with me for a while. I'm so, so sorry, Ryan– from the bottom of my heart, I am. Will you forgive me?" Ryan stood there silently for a few moments, awestruck and speechless. Then, Glomb's hand on his shoulder and soft words in his ear brought him back down to earth.

"Dude, come on, you gotta say something."

"Uh– uh, yeah, yeah I guess." Ryan could feel Glomb's hand slip away, as his head filled with his conscious yelling at him one more time for not staying in the moment and for tripping over his words.

"Great!" Bam said, with the smile that Ryan's been doing nothing but missing for weeks appearing on his face. "Okay, now for part two."

"Part two?" Ryan asked.

"Yep. Part two." Bam affirmed, slowly stepping closer to Ryan. As Bam got down on one knee and pulled out a little black box, Ryan's heart and brain stopped working together. It was almost like his heart knew what was going on and started beating faster, while his brain stayed in a state of confusion, with a new tinge of disbelief appearing.

"Now, you dealt with my bullshit so well when we were dating, and I'm pretty sure you're one of the very few people in my life who can do that. After you left, I got a lot of time to think. I mean– you, you just forgave this bag of shit for a huge mistake he made. I don't know how the /hell/ you could do that, or even _why_ you would, but it impresses me beyond belief. And that's one of the reasons why I want to stay with you forever. So, I have one last question for you, and I'll totally understand if you say no, but," Bam took a big breath in as he opened up the box, "Ryan Matthew Dunn, will you marry me?" Ryan was absolutely dumbfounded by the question. Silence filled the space again, but within a few seconds, Raab yelled out:

"Say yes!" The others began joining in as well. After a few more scattered shouts of the same two words, Ryan nodded his head.

"Yeah." Ryan told Bam, smiling at the word he just said. "Yeah, I will."


	14. take me to church

**{A/N: I don't own **_**The Corpse Bride**_**, Tim Burton, or anyone/thing related.}**

Ryan looked himself over again in the floor length mirror, after straightening out the bit of red handkerchief sticking out of his tuxedo's breast pocket. 'Finally,' he thought, 'I'm ready.' This was the day that the world stood still. He knew that the nervousness that had been living in his guts all day wouldn't go away until all of this was over, and would only get worse once he saw Bam at the other end of that aisle. It had been a little over a year since Bam proposed, and the time between then and now hadn't been easy, between shooting skits, going around helping to propose the show to companies, and planning all of this. As bad as he wanted to peak out the window and admire the view of the beautiful beach that would lay out beside them, he didn't want to take the chance, in case Bam was already out there. Next thing he knew there was knocking at the hotel bedroom door.

"Ryan? You in there? Phil and I want to see how you look, sweetie!"

"Yeah, come on in, Ape." Ryan turned to face his new mother- and father-in-law when he heard the door open. "So?" He asked, presenting himself to them with a smile on his face.

"Oh, Ryan, look at you! You look wonderful, sweetheart! Oh, come here!" Ape wrapped her arms around Ryan, squeezing tight.

"You do look great, Ryan." Phil told him, as April pulled out of the hug. "You really do. You know, I'm glad you're gonna be an official part of the family."

"Me too, honey." April added in, hooking her arm in her husband's.

"You know," Phil continued, "you make Bam so happy. I don't think he's been happier in his entire life than he has been with you." Just then, Raab made his way into the room, breathing heavily.

"Dude, don't go out there yet. Vito's going nuts– we antiqued him and now he's freaking out about it." Raab couldn't stop giggling as he finished his explanation. "Oh my god, you guys shoulda seen it. It was the _funniest_ thing."

"Oh no. I'll go calm him down. Bye, Ryan." Phil said, rolling his eyes and practically running out of the room.

"I'll help. Ryan, honey, good luck." April said to him, kissing him on the cheek and closing the door behind her.

"You nervous, man?" Raab asked as he approached him, causing Ryan to let out a laugh and look down at the floor.

"Oh my god dude, I could throw up." They both couldn't help but keep laughing. "I can't believe this is fucking happening."

"I can't believe how good you look in that suit. No wonder Bam's crazy about you– you clean up real good."

"I feel like _something's_ gonna happen that's gonna screw the suit up. And of course, knowing you guys, something _definitely_ will."

"Oh, yeah, no doubt about it."

"Well you guys better wait until _after_ the ceremony. I fucking _bathed_ for this." As they laughed together, Glomb poked his head in.

"Ryan, you ready? It's show time."

"Oh God, don't say that, Glomb."

"Hey, did Phil get Vito to calm down?" Raab asked.

"_Please_ say yes, Glomb. I don't want be hearing Vito's angry mumbling during the vows. I'm already pretty fucking worried about that part; I don't need him messing me up."

"Don't worry guys, Phil's got it covered."

* * *

It's well known that with wedding planning comes compromises. So, in order for Ryan to see Bam dressed all out in a suit again, he had to make a compromise. And of course, with Bam being the (pretty secret, but at the same time, kind of unsurprising) Tim Burton fan that he that he is, in order to see him dressed in a suit again, him and Ryan both had to exchange the vows said in _The Corpse Bride_. Although Ryan wasn't exactly up for the whole extra bit of pouring wine into the cup and lighting the candle, he was just glad that they were short, they rhymed, and he didn't have to think up his own. Actually doing it though was the most nerve-racking part of the day, and what was happening before then wasn't helping.

"Stop laughing, you're making me laugh." Bam whispered as the priest spoke, trying his best to suppress his giggling.

"I can't help it, seeing Vito caked in flour is making me laugh." Right on cue, the priest cleared his throat and asked if they were ready to exchange vows. When both nodded, Raab, Bam's best man, handed the ring over to him. After placing the ring on the table in between them and the priest, Bam lifted his right hand into the air, and said his vows first. Next thing Ryan knew, it was his turn, and all he could think was 'Just do the same thing Bam did, just don't fuck it up.'

"With this hand, I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine." Ryan went on to pour the wine into the cup sitting on the table, and then lit the candle with shaky hands. "With this candle, I will light your way in the darkness." When Ryan picked up the ring that Glomb, his best man, had handed over to him, and Bam offered his hand, he felt almost like crying. "With this ring, I ask you to be mine."

The End.


End file.
